No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
