Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
