I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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