totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
