we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
