Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
