so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm both gender and math confused
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
