Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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