Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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