The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
