that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
