Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
