tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
