Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
