I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just had sex on a roof
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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