You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
