I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Small penises have feelings too.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
