So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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