she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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