Cold hands, warm shart.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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