listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
