Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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