Soap is not a condiment
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
