Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

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(407): View more from Florida

The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands

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(850): View more from Florida

I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.

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