I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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