She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
