I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
