nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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