It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i came on her dog
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
