Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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