Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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