just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
