News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
