Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
