The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
