i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
