My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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