if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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