There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
