Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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