I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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