you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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