i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
