ugly people sure do ruin things
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
