Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
