I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
