So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
