she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
