so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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