Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I want her autograph on my taint
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
