I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
