hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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