is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
