I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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