I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
