I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
