Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
