I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
