I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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