You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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