Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
