What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
