Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
