I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
