she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
