I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
