and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
