You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
