dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
