What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize