I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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