is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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