he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
