i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
