this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
